


Don't Hold Your Breath

by bechvaltersen



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Isak's in love, M/M, even and isak met at the end of season two (im gonna say through eskild), lil bit of bad smut, mention of mental breakdown, set around the time of season four
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-12-16 05:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11822559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bechvaltersen/pseuds/bechvaltersen
Summary: Isak hates how he feels about Even, knows it could possibly ruin his friendship forever if he was to ever find out. But he doesn't ever wonder, what if Even feels the same?A Friends to Lovers Fictitle of the work taken from my queen nicole - don't hold your breath





	1. Just Keep On Moving with the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> hi again. so, i have a few ideas for different fics that i've planned out. This one might be the worst though. i thoroughly apologise if it's ooc or badly written or has no plot or isn't really friends to lovers even. i'm very new at multi chapter fic writing, i've only ever done 1/2k one shots. so i do apologise. bare with me! feedback will be really helpful to me!!
> 
> title of the chapter taken from amen jena - nicole scherzinger, one of the most beautiful songs ever. (all these chapters will have a theme of nicole lyrics haha)
> 
> also thank you to my beta reader danni who is my angel and only reason why i'm actually posting this shit.

 

Isak had been friends with Even just under a year, but the little time they had spent together felt like forever. Instantly they became the best of friends. Isak feels more comfortable with Even than he does the rest of his friends; he’s a safe place, a home away from home. His energy and caring nature made it easy to feel so close to him. He often confides in him about the troubles his father leaving brought him, and the frequent trouble his mother’s breakdowns, along with his father’s reluctance to deal with her, gave him. He was even one of the first people Isak came out to a few months back – along with Eskild, of course. He was the best friend.

Since Even came into his life, Isak had developed a reasonable sense of ease with the things he had to deal with. His mother and her mental health, his sexuality, even the frustrating temporary door lock on his school locker. He’d learnt a lot, about others and himself, and he’s not quite sure where he would be without him.

Isak, however, had been wanting more when they first met. The several parties and random coffee shop meetings at the very beginning of their friendship had brought the butterflies and tingly feelings further forward to his mind, and although it was made clear Even was very much in love with Sonja, it still didn’t stop him from pining over him, looking at the way his skinny arms dangle out of his favourite white t-shirt, how his fingers so effortlessly ran through his hair without forcing a strand out of place, or how a shake of his wrist to loosen his watch back down to the very bottom of his hand brought his top ever so slightly up, allowing Isak to see a faint v line and his very favourite freckle. But Even was still far too in the closet to notice what this new friendship meant to him. This was much more than the crush of Jonas. And Isak didn’t know how to deal with it.

A lot of time they spend together is in each other’s bedrooms, hanging out as the other got ready for a party or random outing, trying to thrash one another on Fifa, or even consoling the other through their mother’s breakdowns or Even’s own depressive periods. It was a norm for Even to be in Isak’s room, in Isak’s jumper whilst sat in Isak’s bed. Although it didn’t stop Isak staring like it was a solar eclipse he’d never gotten the chance to see before.

Even laughs, ruffles Isak’s blonde curls, and spoils his quiet moment. “You’re so quiet lately.”

Isak looks back up to his eyes, jolts his head back in feign disbelief and points at himself, “Me? No, never.”

He gets up, wanting to get away from the spotlight of Even’s questions. He tries to fiddle with the papers and whatnot on his desk to busy himself but gets interrupted again. “Seriously,” he pouts, face now serious and straight talking. “You’ve been a lot quieter lately. Is something going on with your mum?” Isak shakes his head, stuck, frozen to his spot. “Is something going on with you?”

Isak turns around and rolls his eyes, tries again to keep up the pretence. “I’m fine,” he brushes off with an easy smile. “Now chill. I need to beat you at Fifa.”

They sit back down on the bed, Isak first, heading further over to his side, further away from where he expects Even to be, soon followed by Even who doesn’t follow his silent plan, scooching further over than he expects, half into Isak’s side, thighs so obviously brushing together as he settles in with his controller.

Even wins again, of course. He’s gotten too good with extra practice from Isak’s moods and strops when he misses an easy free kick or the player doesn’t do what he so aggressively told him to do. Isak throws a hissy fit, demanding a rematch but Even denies him. Rules are rules, and two wins in a best out of three is certainly not a close call in Even’s mind. So Isak sulks, turns on his side away from Even in the little space he has and ignores all of Even’s soft words of comfort. It’s half dramatic pretence, half predicted hurt that Even will get bored of beating the poor boy and gladly go back to his girlfriend who will show him a real good time. Something he doesn’t think he could ever have the chance or bravery to do.  
  
He knows Even’s pansexual, was open from the start, and used his own sexuality to be extra comforting when Isak was coming forward about his own. He genuinely did think there was interest early on, thinks if he was braver and less in the closet then he might’ve had a chance at a kiss. His first proper kiss with a boy he has real-life, adult feelings for. But nothing was to be made of it. He’s with Sonja, and he loves her. Even’s moaned in the past that she’s been too clingy and over protective, but she’s got more bearable, or so Even says. And even at parties they attend together he rarely ever leaves her side when all Isak wants to do is escape to the bathroom or out to the back garden and get high with Even.

It’s in these moments where he’s drunk and high where he feels like he could make a move. But he decides against it every single time. Sonja’s nice, lovely in fact, and Even and her go really well together. He can see how happy she makes him and how steady his moods are when he’s not in a tough period with Sonja. He couldn’t ever be the cause of Even losing his stability. Besides, Even would never go for him. He could get anyone. A scrawny blonde science nerd is definitely not on his list of types. He knows that, isn’t immune to the idea that Even is way out of his league, but it doesn’t help.

He thinks Even’s finally given up, got up and left the loser he is and gone back to his beautiful Sonja who’s probably waiting for him at home but he hears his voice, just a faint whisper that barely disturbs it. “Isak, what’s going on?” He feels a soft hand on his arm, comforting he thinks.

“I’m fine.”

“I didn’t ask that.”

Isak sighs, frustrated.

He feels nervous at the silence Even leaves them in and chooses to look behind at where he feels Even is standing. He sees him with a dopey look on his face, trying to roll his eyes in a way much less efficient way than Isak himself can do, topped off with him wearing his very own burgundy snapback, his favourite snapback. Well, it’s Jonas’ actually, but he’s called it his own ever since he was nearly caught ditching his friends months ago to hang out with the newer, cooler friend Even because of it. He still thanks Even to this day for saving him. He wonders just how much torment and grief he would get off the lads about his feelings for Even. Seeing the taller man wear it even for just a second instantly made him claim the hat off Jonas and declare it as his own favourite accessory. And he can admit now, only to himself mind, that it is favourite thing he’s ever seen Even wear.

It’s not even sat on his head properly. And he looks dorky in a cool sort of way. Of course, only Even would be able to pull dorky off as something so cool. His hair curls out at the bottom and pokes out slightly at the side. He laughs, presumably at himself, possibly knowing how ridiculous he looks in an adorable sort of way that only Even can do. His face bursts wider than imaginable and his eyes crinkle and twinkle. The sound of his laugh lights up the room and forces him to laugh himself, a nervous laugh where he only feels comfortable to look down and force his ‘ha ha’.

He moves from where he’s lying over to Even and kneels up to reach the hat, firming it down to be properly in place. The movement slides down a piece or two of his fringe which he decides to tuck further into his hat, holding the back of his hair to keep his head in place whilst doing so. He pauses, realises how this looks. He’s practically holding his face in his hands and all he can think about doing is wanting to kiss him.

But he can’t. He knows that.

He pulls his hands back, and looks down at his hands.

“That’s better.” He shyly takes another look up at him, glances at the hat and then back to his eyes, briefly notices his chapped lips as he brings his eyes back down to his hands. “It looks good on you,” he says with a hit of laughter to his voice.

He takes a final glance up at him with a shy smile, moves back to his spot on the bed and gets comfortable again under the covers.

“Does that mean I can keep it?”

Isak looks over at him hastily with a sharp frown. “No,” he says with disbelief, brows raised. “It’s my favourite,” he says shyly, smiling into himself.

He sees Even smile to himself before he goes for the door again. “You will tell me what is wrong though?”

Isak sighs again and rolls his eyes, pushing himself further under the covers. “Nothing, Even.”

“Well that doesn’t explain why you’re different.”

He wonders how Even noticed, if Even knows what’s different about him, why he’s different. It makes him panic slightly, unable to talk. How could he be so obvious? He’s an idiot. Of course he is. And Even must think the same and he’s soon going to stop hanging around with him and-

“-Isak. It’s me.”

He closes his eyes, can’t bear the comfort from Even.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he mumbles. He feels a hand on his shoulder, shrugs it off. “Sonja will be missing you. And I need to sleep, losing gets tiring after a while.”

He hears Even laugh for a moment, then can feel his presence escape his surroundings until he hears the door handle and a moment later the quiet bang of the door.

He falls asleep not long after. Losing really is tiring.

 

* * *

  

Isak spends the next few days trying to talk to Even as little as he possibly can. Revision for mock exams he has coming up being an easy escape route. Even demands he visits soon though, even if they don’t play Fifa.

  
He sleeps until the afternoon on Saturday, replying hours later to Even’s message asking him out for a coffee. He declines, of course, instead caves in when Even suggest he comes around and makes his famous homemade sponge cake, Isak’s favourite. Even always knows the way to Isak’s heart, has done for the past year he’s known him. He hates him for it, it’s one of the only things he hates him for. That, and him not feeling anything back.

Flour gets everywhere thanks to the mini food fight Even started. Isak’s face is covered and he tucks his top lip in to try and blow some of it out of his eyes but it’s literally everywhere. He can’t imagine how bad Even is after he shoved the remnants of the flour packet down the back of his black top.

He sighs, the fight taking it out of him, and thrusts a hand through his hair. He forgets the white powder covers his hand until he looks at Even who laughs right at him. He rolls his eyes and moves towards Even, bends down to the reflective glass of the microwave and sees for a moment what it could be like when he’s old and grey.

He laughs with Even at himself for a little while before inspiration strikes and he puts his other flour covered hand in Even’s hair. Even grabs his arm, stopping him, and Isak tries his hardest to resist against him but the giraffe is just too strong. He bends his hand upside down instead and throws the flour into his face, patting a print across his nose and forehead and cheeks and… lips. He can feel the slight wetness of his lips on his fingers, feels himself move his hand slightly to allow his fingers to brush over his lips.

They stare at each other for a little too long before Isak announces he’s going to clean up, asking if Even wants a shower too. He feels himself fluster and flutter around him as he says he’ll go first, taking his towel from the back hook of his door and gives an awkward smile as he looks back. Things feel much more awkward than they used to be. Isak isn’t sure why.

He feels the water come around him, tingling his skin and smoothing his hair. There have been many times where Isak’s thought about Even in here, about something he wished happened or something that did in fact happen. He’s thought about his body and him, he was the first person he properly allowed himself to feel something about.

He knows firsts never last, they’re never the real thing. But, well there was Jonas, he knows that was just a crush but would he count as his first? Is Even more his second and stands with a late chance of it working out?

He hates this, lusting over a taken boy. Is that how it works? Is that really the only kind of guy he’s ever going to be into? The taken one. The one who doesn’t want him back. He doesn’t know for how much longer he can do this, have to escape completely normal moments with someone just because his thoughts are getting ahead of him and he can’t let himself get carried away, definitely not in front of him.

He knows he overthinks pretty much everything he does, knows the plain white surroundings of the shower and the surrounding sound and pressure of the water doesn’t do much to help him but he often just wants this to stop. Wants to stop feeling the way he does and thinking the things he thinks about Even, because he has little control and sooner or later it’s going to hurt him.

His hand subconsciously scrubbing his skin with the pale bar of soap slows to a stop when Even’s voice calls Isak out. “Is everything okay in there?”

“Uh,” he stutters, quickly brushing off the soap suds from his skin. “Yeah, I’m coming out now.”

He steps onto the soft mat, the new one Eskild bought the other day with his new rich boyfriend. He tries to reach for the towel he brought with him from on top of the toilet without allowing any water drips to fall off his skin. He scrubs his curls with a corner of it for a few seconds, getting rid of the heavy drips and soaked strands before he brushes it along his body and ties it around himself, tucking the corner in at his chest.

He looks for the spare towel Eskild normally keeps for guests (or when Isak forgets to put his in the dryer in time and is left with no towel after a shower) but the shelf is empty. Well, other than for the small flannel Noora uses for her night-time regime. Or maybe that could be Eskild.

“Even.” Isak peeks out the door, checking where he is before he comes out properly.

“Isak,” he hears coming from his bedroom.

“Hi,” he says as he walks in the room. “I can’t seem to find the spare towel.”

“That’s okay. I can just use yours.”

“Oh.” Isak looks away, looking to quickly find clothes to wear. He hears Even laugh.

“No rush.” He places a hand on his still wet arm. “Just bring it through when you’re done.”

Even disappears a short few seconds after, flustering Isak into standing still by the bed. He falls onto it, rubs his eyes and takes a deep breath. He wills his mind to stop. Hasn’t ever worked before, is short of belief it will ever work now.

Once he’s dressed he throws his towel into the slightly open door of the bathroom and quickly rushes back into his room. He finds a small white slip of paper with a quick drawing, like those he’s seen on Even’s walls. It shows a tall boy – Even – lying on the bed (in Isak’s spot he notices, with Isak’s favourite pillow), a door breaking the page up in the middle with the back of a wet naked boy – Isak – the other side of the door. Underneath the shower sketch, a label ‘In an alternate universe, Isak doesn’t spend ages in the shower.’

Isak chuckles to himself, glances again over every detail brushes a thumb over Even’s portrait-

“You like it.” Isak looks back and nods with a shy smile.

“You don’t do these much anymore,” Isak states.

“What, the sketches?” he pouts, eyebrows raised and eyes concerned. “I do, you just don’t see them.”

“Well you don’t do sketches for me anymore.” He looks down at the paper, places it back onto his desk and goes to find his snapback to hide his messy hair. He’s just not distracted enough to see how Even looks bare-chested with water droplets travelling down his shoulders and chest, reaching down to the towel wrapped around his waist. He licks his lips, quickly looks up to notice his hair flat against his face, long and curling over his eyelashes.

“Ah, so that’s what’s the matter with you.” Isak pulls his brows together into a frown.

“No,” he laughs. He rolls his eyes.

“You’re feeling put out that I don’t draw for you as much anymore. Are you jealous of Sonja?” Even teases, punches his arm softly.

“No,” he says quietly. He sits on his bed and hides within himself.

“Isak,” he whines, planting his hand on his arm too close to his own hand.

“No,” he cuts off. He sighs. “Things are different lately. Since you got on good terms again it feels like I’m losing you to her.” He feels his face begin to scrunch up and the sound of his voice is starting to sound shaky. His face gets tilted upwards and taken between Even’s hands as he looks at him.

“You’re never going to lose me.”

“And stop touching me like that, I’m not Sonja.” Even’s hands recoil and Isak looks down.

“Isak,” he says, forcing him to look up at him. He refuses. “You’re my best friend. Isak,” he tries. He finally looks at him. “Always.”

Isak sighs again, struggling with the closeness and the contact. He’s got worse and worse with this, struggled more and more as their friendship gets older.

_I want you to be more,_ Isak never manages to say.

 


	2. Pretty Broken Instead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s possibly the longest they’ve gone without speaking-
> 
> No.
> 
> It is the longest they’ve gone without speaking.
> 
> And although Isak wishes they were more than what they currently are, he also would rather be friends than nothing at all. Even if that does make things excruciatingly painful for him. And at this moment, Isak feels like they’re nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halla. So, sorry this has literally been a week. I just said that to kind of protect myself but i've had a bit of trouble personally and trouble with this chapter. Hopefully the others can come out easier as i have a slightly better idea at what i want it to be like and have envisioned (and already written) scenes for it. So I'm hoping the next one will be up in a few days.
> 
> I really appreciate the kudos! It helps me along each time i get an email so please keep doing it! And if you have any feedback or want to discuss anything then don't be afraid to leave a comment because it will really help me!
> 
> Thanks again to danni my love for being my support throughout this chapter and my many meltdowns throughout the whole writing of this. And being my amazing beta reader.
> 
> Chapter title from Pretty, an unreleased song from Nicole. She sings the heck out of it on X Factor USA so go check it out.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> *update, i was told ao3 cut half of my chapter off, so for any of you this has happened to hopefully it's sorted now*

Isak didn’t speak to Even at all for a week following. He wanted to reach out, but it had got to the point now where he wasn’t sure what exactly he could say to him. Silence from Even also made him feel like he might’ve possibly been too harsh and hurt him, and that’s something Isak would never want to do.

Isak takes his phone out and looks through the text thread with Even. He feels his chest clench a little at the week-old messages he sees at the bottom of the thread. He’s not used to this; separation from Even. Not seeing him or speaking to him. It’s possibly the longest they’ve gone without speaking-

No.

It _is_ the longest they’ve gone without speaking.

And although Isak wishes they were more than what they currently are, he also would rather be friends than nothing at all. Even if that does make things excruciatingly painful for him. And at this moment, Isak feels like they’re nothing at all.

Isak doesn’t know much, but one thing he does know is that he couldn’t bear it if he lost Even.

He unlocks his phone again, stares at the text box and thinks about what to write. He stares blankly at the keyboard, unsure of the right words to type. He tries a simple "hi," but he stops, and tries to think for a second which is better, a "hey" or "hi" or "hello."

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

He's overthinking this.

He drops his phone on his bed with perhaps a little too much force than necessary and leaves his room, heading for the kitchen.

“Baby Isak!”

“Hi, Eskild,” he says, not yet looking in his direction until he turns around after taking the water filter from the fridge. He sees Eskild’s new man, Jensen, beside him, offers him a more pleasant and friendly "hi."

“So you can smile,” Eskild teases, ruffling his hair, as he walks past him.

“No,” he bites. “Not for you.”

He pours a glass of water for himself whilst he hears Eskild saying goodbye to Jensen. He gulps it down and goes back to pour a second glass. His mind wanders to what he said to Even the last time they spoke, knows he was a little on edge due to his feelings and may have been a little harsher than he needed but hoped that Even of all people could understand that maybe something was wrong. Maybe not. Maybe his silence is Even’s way of saying Isak was in the wrong.

“What’s gotten into you lately?”

“Eskild, if this is another lecture then I don’t want to hear it,” Isak huffs as he quickly heads off to his room, though still allowing for Eskild to follow him if, in fact, he wasn’t going to lecture him. Eskild does follow him, of course, Isak knows him all too well. He sits on his bed opposite him. Eskild doesn’t say anything, though, making Isak feel rather awkward and uncomfortable, feeling like he needs to break the silence.

“Me and Even haven’t spoken much the past week.” Isak looks down, crosses his legs and fidgets a little, waiting for Eskild’s response.

“How much?” he says, rather serious. He notices Eskild’s pout, the thing he normally does when he’s giving Isak some serious advice or offering any concern. He’s grateful for Eskild in times like this, as much as Isak feels smothered by him from time to time and like Eskild can be a little _too_ much, his often overbearing nature helps Isak a lot. He’s not one to reach out to someone first very often. He more often than not talks to someone only when prompted upon to do so, a flaw he knows he has but the trust issues his father made him have stopped him when it comes to confiding true feelings.

“Well,” he pauses, swallows and takes a glance up at him before quickly looking back down at the creases he tries to line out of his bed sheets. “Not at all.”

“Have you had a falling out?” Even now he’s struggling to properly speak, mind working overtime and breath feeling too heavy.

“No.” Isak pauses, Eskild waits. “Kind of. I told him how I felt we weren’t as close lately.”

“You don’t feel as close?”

“Well, no,” he points out. “Definitely not since things got better with Sonja.” He knows she’s his girlfriend, and they were together before he and Even even met, so nothing’s ever really been different. But Even is his best friend, and when things were a little difficult with Sonja he spent a lot more time around at Isak’s place. A lot more time where Isak got to know Even more and got to see more of the smaller things that made him begin to fall for him, where his feelings didn't exactly begin, but blossomed into the dangerous but perhaps special thing they are to Isak now. _Even_ is special. He’s much different to Jonas or Eva or Eskild. And although he loves his friends more like they’re his family, he loves Even in a different way. _More_.

“Did you tell him that?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure if I said something wrong.” He feels Eskild puts a hand on his arm. He dips his head to look into Isak’s eyes.

“Why don’t you ask him round, or out for a coffee. I’ll be there just in case. And say sorry. Relationships are difficult, and she might be expecting him to spend more time with him, things will go back to normal soon. Just make sure he’s okay.”

“Yeah, I might just do that,” he mutters with a slight smile. He cautiously looks up and huffs a laugh out. “You always know what to say.”

“Because I’m your guru,” he teases. Isak laughs him off. “Say it. Say it.” Isak tries to push off his teasing hands cupped around his face but Eskild just pushes harder and squeezes his cheeks together to make a pouty face.

“You’re my guru,” Isak muffles, batting away his hands and wiping his cheeks. He frowns as he feels the bed lift slightly as Eskild leaves.

“I’m making dinner. Don’t be grumpy in half an hour.”

He smiles to himself when he hears the door click shut. He jokes and plays around – and sometimes is very serious – with the grumpiness but he’s very grateful he met Eskild. And he’s Even more grateful he’s as caring as he is, looking after him like perhaps his own mother or father should’ve done. Many other roommates would have possibly kicked him out by now, have moaned at him too much for being late too often on his rent, and wouldn’t bother helping him out with any personal or relationship problems and even more so, any household chores.

He reaches for his phone from where he threw it not long ago and begins to type out a message to Even.

_**Isak**  
Hey. How about we go to KB soon? Haven’t seen you at school. Miss you. Issy K_

  
He doesn’t get a reply, even one, two, three days after. He even went to look for him at school, hovered around his classes near the end but Even was nowhere in sight. He knows it’s strange, Even not replying to his messages, not reaching out, not even being seen. Isak knows things like this are often signs for Even being in a bad place. He immediately worries just exactly what he’s done to Even and sends him another text.

 **_Isak_ **  
_Hey. I hope you’re okay. I’m always here for you if things get too much. Issy K x_

  
Isak comes home from school on Thursday a little later after an extra biology revision class for the upcoming test. He’s tired. Very tired. And he wants three things; food, sleep, and for Even to get in touch.

He looks in the fridge, sees nothing actually edible on his shelf and pathetically slams it shut with a sigh.

So maybe with the amount of revision he has to do none of the three things he wants he’ll get.

“Heard from Even?” Eskild startles him, pushes him to turn around.

“No. He’s not been at school. I’m really worried.”

“Is there something else?” Eskild asks. Isak looks at him with a confused frown. “Something that you’re not telling me, about er- Even?” Eskild finishes, prompting him to talk deeper.

“No,” he laughs off. He looks away a little sheepishly.

“Are you in love with him?”

Isak halts in his spot, feels stuck to the ground as his breathing stops for a second. He didn’t think Eskild knew. Well, he didn’t think _anyone_ knew. How does he know.  _He_ doesn’t even know. Well, Isak doesn’t actually _love_ him, he’s never felt proper love before and he’s not sure he would be certain it was love if he felt it. It’s just feelings, just like and lust. It’s not love yet. He knows that. He’s sure of it.

“I’m not in love with him,” he mutters, turning around to Eskild when he doesn’t hear a reply. “I’m not,” he has to say, a little stronger this time.

“But you have feelings for him?” Eskild keeps his eyes locked onto Isak’s, allowing him to be aware of any falter or non-verbal sign of an answer.

Isak gives him that with a quick look down and a small nod.

“Isak,” Eskild sighs, dragging his name out. “Isak, Isak, Isak. It’s okay.” He rushes forward towards him and pulls him into a hug. “Friends crush on their friends. That’s okay.”

He pushes himself out of Eskild’s arms, cringing and frowning, unhappy with himself. He feels pathetic, gosh he’s so pathetic. “This is more than a crush. I’m jealous of his girlfriend.”

Eskild pauses for a moment. Isak sees a smirk begin to grow on his face. His  arms come around his shoulders and he gets gathered into the living room.

“You know what you need?”

“No,” Isak says, confused and also a little scared of whatever plan Eskild’s just thought of in the last twelve seconds.

“To get laid!” Isak rolls his eyes and moves away from Eskild. “I know loads of guys who would date you.”

“Eskild, I don’t want any of your hook-ups,” he squirms. He would hate to meet with a guy to possibly have sex with who he’s already heard having sex before and possibly knows already how good his blow job skills are based on the loudness of Eskild’s moans when he was with him.

“I don’t sleep with all gay guys I know,” Eskild says, rather offended at Isak’s suggestion. “Just the good looking ones.”

“Oh, brilliant. Thanks Eskild.” He rolls his eyes and overdramatically shrugs his shoulders and flaps his hands. “Just sponge me off with the boffy-haired nerds with tiny dicks, thanks.” Isak laughs a little, doesn’t know why he would even be tempted by Eskild’s offer of a man if he knew him first.

“What?! We don’t have the same type,” he mocks offence. “You fancied Jonas, and now your new best friend Even!”

Isak pulls a shocked face and sits back in amazement, again, reacting over the top with his extra sensitive hurt. “What is wrong with them?”

“Nah, you’re right. Even is a beautiful man.” Isak closes his eyes in disbelief of Eskild. “And his penis is very big. Those lips would be good at sucking as well- Isak you’ve chosen well, can I have a go?" Isak tries to turn off Eskild’s voice and puts his hands over his ears but Eskild’s voice follow him as he sticks behind him as his words go on and he can hear every second.

When Isak gets to his room he turns around and faces Eskild. “Enough. You’re not having Even.” He opens his door and shuts it quickly behind it, locking him out but not his voice.

“Don’t worry, Ill set you up with a new man in no time. My friends love your cute baby face.”

He tries to ignore Eskild as he throws himself on his bed. As he looks up at the ceiling, he wonders what would be wrong in going on a date or two with another man. Maybe it would help him get his mind off Even. Hmm, Eskild might not be wrong after all.

 

* * *

 

Eskild comes into Isak’s room on Friday night with the information that he’s passed on Isak’s number to a friend of his, Jakob, and to not be surprised when he receives a message from him soon.

Not long after, Isak’s phone buzzes on his bedside cabinet, the screen lights up to show a message from Even and Isak quickly sits up and opens the message.

 

_**Even**  
hi. i’m sorry for not replying. i haven’t been good lately. i needed some time. i hope you understand. Even_

 

Isak immediately texts back, having gone too long without any contact from Even.

 

_**Isak**  
It’s so good to hear from you! You have nothing to be sorry about. Why don’t we go to KB tomorrow? Something small for you. Miss you_

**Even**  
sounds great!  <3

 **Even**  
1600?

 **Isak  
** Perfectoooo *insert ok hand emoji* 

 

 **Even**  
I can picture you being a dork and doing that in real life and I’m cringing

 **Isak**  
Never

 **Isak**  
I’m no dork

 **Even**  
You are to me

 **Isak**  
<3

 

Isak smiles to himself each time a new message from Even comes through, those stomach flutters coming back to haunt him time and time again.

His phone buzzes again and he expects to see Even’s name again and his flutters sink to the ground when he doesn’t.

 

 **Unknown Number**  
Hi, Eskild gave me your number, I hope that’s ok. I don’t do this often, excuse me haha. He sent me your photo, I think you’re really cute. He said you’d be interested in a date maybe? Let me know. Jakob

 

He laughs to himself. So Eskild really wasn’t lying then.

He wonders what he could possibly write back but decides against it so soon, not wanting to seem eager or desperate. By an hour or two later, he’s still forgotten to reply until Eskild comes into his room and he's reminded.

“Ooh, wait a minute.” Isak picks up his phone and starts to reply to Eskild’s friend, Jakob.

 

 **Isak**  
Hi, he told me nothing about you, and didn’t show me either. So hi. Maybe we can get to know each other? Isak

 

“Hi,” Isak says, looking up to Eskild as he puts his phone down.

“Hi," Eskild drags out with a hint of confusion as to what Isak was just up to.

“I was just replying to Jakob,” Isak says so casually as if it was something he said every day. It stuns Eskild, him giving Isak a look of confusion, crumpled brow and all.

“You talked to him?”

“Yah, and Even. We’re meeting up tomorrow at KB.”

“Okaayyy,” he drags out. “That explains what’s got into you.” Eskild laughs and Isak pouts back. “Do you want me to come with you to KB?”

“Sure,” he says happily.

“You talked to Jakob though?” Eskild asks.

“Yeah. He said you showed him a picture and told him about me.”

“Yah.”

“But I don’t get to see anything?” Isak points out. He gets distracted by the buzz of his phone and sees another text from Jakob.

 

 **Jakob**  
Sure. He tells me you’re into science, that’s cool. I’m a maths guy myself. Which is it you prefer?

 

He smiles to himself. He likes that he’s smart and interested in academics. It’s something different to the ever-changing mind of an artist like Even or a- er… skateboarder like Jonas.

He notices Eskild has taken it upon himself to sit up close, next to him on the bed. His phone is out and he’s scrolling through his photos.

“This is him.”

He’s good looking. No Even. No James Dean kind of effortless look but he’s attractive.

The first thing he notices is his eyes. Dark brown eyes pierce back at him. They stand out against his long lashes and dark skin. His hair is dark, also, and his tight curls make it look short. The white top matches his big, white smile as it sits tight on his arms, showing his muscle. He’s never been one to be into a ripped body like that but Jakob might show him otherwise. His legs are covered in tight jeans and they hug his calves and thighs.

Isak doesn’t realise his mouth is gaped open until Eskild laughs at him and punches his arm.

“Is that a yes to a date then?”

“Maybe,” he mumbles. He knows if conversation goes well then a date will definitely be on the cards. He knows his feelings aren’t okay, they aren’t healthy. He’s only going to set himself up for a fail if he continues to fall for Even. He has to do something about it, and this might be a start.

  
The next day Isak and Jakob share many texts with each other. From talk about their studies to talk about their family. Isak feels he has got to know him well and they seem to have a connection. Sure, he feels he has to force questions to avoid silence and awkwardness but he figures this happens in every case of a couple getting to know each other. He hopes he doesn’t come across as pushy as he feels though.

Isak and Eskild take the tram to the KB Isak and Even are meeting at. He orders a latte whilst Eskild orders some extravagant extra shot drink with something else and another thing on top. He wonders just how the barista remembers each detail.

They take their drinks to a table across the glass doors with low, comfy chairs and a round table. Isak sits with his back to the door so Eskild has to alert him of when Even arrives.

“There’s nothing to be worried about. Even will be fine, you’ll see.” Eskild comforts him with a hand on his arm.

Isak tilts his head in response and looks up with questioning eyes. “But what if-“

“And he’ll show up.”

Isak worries Even isn’t in a good enough place yet. He knows he probably wouldn’t have said yes to Isak if he didn’t think he’d be okay but things can change so quickly from day to day.

He checks his phone for any messages for the third time in the past minute. He sees nothing so goes to the messages app and on to the message thread with Even. There’s no speech bubble, and no ‘seen’ under his last message letting him know Eskild’s tagging along for a quick coffee before Isak's planned to meet him. He worries that’s scared him off. Maybe Even could only handle seeing him.

Eskild hops over to the couch Isak is sat on and pulls him into a hug Isak barely accepts. He pulls away not long after but doesn’t move, staying to rest a hand on his leg and give him a squeeze from time to time, a reminder that he’s there in case he forgets and to give him an extra comfort whilst he waits.

The silence makes Isak feel more uncomfortable so he change the conversation to Eskild’s friend.

“How’s uh, Jakob?”

“Jakob?” Isak looks up. “He’s nice. He’s- uh- very attractive. I like him. I might go on a date with him.”

“Isak! I’m so proud!” Eskild gushes. “It’s so amazing you’re moving forward and getting into a new relationship-“

“Eskild!”

“Okay, so it’s not much yet but, you never kno-“

Eskild’s interrupted when he hears a little scuffle beside the couch he and Isak are on. His change of focus makes Isak look over also to see what he’s looking at. Even.

He looks to have just bumped into a barista and coffee is all over him. His eyes raise over to him and he looks nervous, scared. He dashes out and Isak follows him, right after a short pause where he feels stuck to his seat and all he can do is struggle to swallow the lump in his throat.

He rushes after him but Even appears to be too far ahead of him. He did get a head start after all.

Even slows to a stop as he approaches the tram stop and Isak uses this to speed up his chase and catch up with him. He ends up a few meters behind him but his breath is too heavy and he’s panting too much to carry on and make up the difference.

“Are you avoiding me, Even?” Isak shouts. Even halts to a stop as Isak says his name. He doesn’t turn around, or move, which prompts Isak to speak further. “Even. What’s wrong?” He feels himself choke up a little. The blame he puts on himself makes him feel he’s lost him for good and he doesn’t know what to do anymore. “What did I do? Tell me.” He pauses, takes a deep breath, wishes he could start again. “I’m sorry, okay? Why are you running away from me?”

Even turns around slowly, doesn’t even look like he’s going to say anything until Isak hears a noise and recognises it as Even’s. It’s moments after once Even’s started walking away, getting onto the tram, that Isak registers what Even said.

“I broke up with Sonja.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up on twitter @evenmohns or tumblr @beanieven tho i acc barely use that now but still. I'm friendly i swear


	3. We Could Let It Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak bows his head, looks deep into the coffee cup sat between his hands. He loves this coffee, just the simple, plain old latte. It’s nice, easy, convenient. It’s one of his favourite places to hang out, be it with friends or to do revision or school work, or to meet up with Even when he had some girl problems he needed help with (even though he’s the last person to ever know about how to deal with girls).
> 
> Title of the Chapter from the best person I've ever MET, YES I MET HER, Nicole Scherzinger - Bang. One of the sexiest songs. It may be a hint at what's to come for this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay guys, i'm back. i'm so sorry it's been so long. i struggled a lot with this chapter, i've had a lot of stuff on, moved to uni (and a new city where i know no one!), went through some shit, decided to stop writing this story, then decided to stop writing altogether. then my love danni gave me some inspiration and only this week have i actually felt able to write this. but it's here, it's actually here. i'm so sorry it's been so long, i'll try not to be this long next time. i really hope it's worth the wait.

 

“You love her, don’t you?”

“Of course, she’s all I’ve known.” He drinks his coffee, tips it high to get the very last drops of it, and slams it down with a sigh. “But it’s not enough.”

Isak bows his head, looks deep into the coffee cup sat between his hands. He loves this coffee, just the simple, plain old latte. It’s nice, easy, convenient. It’s one of his favourite places to hang out, be it with friends or to do revision or school work, or to meet up with Even when he has some girl problems he needed help with (even though Isak’s the last person to ever know about how to deal with girls).

He’d managed to speak to Even only a short while after their altercation at the same KB they’re at now. He’d gone over to his apartment and insisted he speak to him. There was no chance he was going to let Even ignore him, especially after so long of no communication. It took a few, long, hard knocks and a couple of “Even, open the damn fucking door,” “Even, I swear to fuck you are not going to ignore me much longer,” “Even, get your single fucking ass down here.”

It had only taken a short while for Isak to persuade Even to come back to KB. He ‘needed to get out of the house for a bit, and just enjoy a nice cup of coffee’. Or tea, because Even’s into all of that fancy shit. And Isak doesn’t really have a clue.

Even soon complied. He’s a sucker for a hot drink with a fancy setting to it. He loves the aesthetics. And the good company, he supposes. _And_ Isak’s the master of persuasion, and Even’s weak for Isak’s ways.

Isak mulled over Eskild’s words along the walk to the coffee shop. He’s tried to convince himself Even and Sonja belong together. After all, Even’s sad about separating from her. It must be why he’s not been in touch the past week, and why he ran away as soon as he clocked eyes with Isak. Yeah, that must be what’s being going on with him. And, well, Even isn’t into him, not like Isak is him. There’s no chance for him there and he needs to try and get over him. And he needs to get them back together. He wants Even to be happy. And if that’s not with him, then so be it, he figures. If Sonja makes him happy then he supposes that’s all that matters. And yeah, they’re- well, they’re pretty much perfect for each other.

“But you love her-“

Even looks up, puts on a shy smile, and mumbles, “Sometimes love isn’t everything.”

Isak sighs, finds the strength somewhere inside him and grits his teeth, “Even, you’re not thinking straight. Sleep on it, talk to her in the morning, and try and work things out.”

Even looks up at him, considers his words for a few moments before he nods. “Yeah, okay.” He sees him shrug, his shoulders lift with an ounce of sadness and drop so effortlessly. “If it makes you happy.” Even looks across to Isak one last time before he takes a large gulp of the water he bought. He puts it down on the table and then flops back into the cushioned seat, gazes out the window looking at the passers by, watching them go by their lives. Isak watches him. Only him.

 

~

 

He gets home to Eskild making him dinner, smelling it as soon as he steps foot in the apartment. 

“Hello,” he calls out whilst he takes off his shoes at the door and hangs his jacket on their new coat hanger in the corner of the hallway. He passes by the hall mirror and glances at himself, whips his snapback off and ruffles his hair, sorting out his front curls with a slick bush through of his fingers.

The pasta gets poured into three bowls Eskild’s already set out for himself, Isak, and Linn. Isak eagerly sits down in front of one of them and picks up the fork already laid out beside his plate and delves right into it as if he hadn’t eaten for a week. Eskild laughs at him with such fondness, something Isak’s never really felt before in his life.

Once Eskild’s joined him and taken a few mouthfuls of the food, he begins to question Isak about Even. As he explains their conversation, that’s he’s no longer with Sonja but Isak’s being the bigger man and is supporting him to work things out, Eskild can’t help but look at him with even more fondness than before. “I’m so proud of you, Isak. Really. It’s big of you.”

“Thanks,” Isak mumbles. He dips his head and plays with his fork, pushing around the food in his bowl whilst he tries to laugh off his shyness.

“Seriously, Isak. I know it must be hard, being into your best friend, but you can be over him soon enough.”

He takes another forkful of the pasta but fails to lift it up towards him, instead dropping it as his focus blurs in front of him. He tries to shake off his thoughts as he heads to the fridge for a glass of water, but the cool liquid down his throat fails to calm his racing thoughts of Even.

“If you need to get over someone just fuck someone else, always works for me.”

Isak chokes slightly on the sip of water in his mouth, coughs a few times before he turns around to look at Linn with a mouthful of pasta and a sheepish smile posed Isak’s way. He raises his brow at her in question but she just responds with a bigger smile. His eyes jilt over to Eskild who has an even bigger smile as he faces Linn, presumably happy with her direct approach to Isak’s problem. He plays the thought over his mind as he falls back in front of his bowl again, now feeling able to eat the fork-load of pasta.

 

~

 

“Okay- yeah-” Isak pauses as he hears his door creak open, looks up to see Eskild walking through his door sheepishly with his hands tucked away behind his back. “Ugh, okay- sorry, Eskild’s forgotten the idea of knocking before coming into someone’s room, so, yeah, I’ll talk to you later- yeah- bye.” He locks his phone as he looks up to Eskild with an expecting look. Seeming to get nothing back from him, he goes with giving him a sarcastic brow raise.

“Was that Jakob,” Eskild asks.

Isak rolls his eyes in response. “Ugh- Eskild, for Gods sake.”

“Good.” His hands come from behind his back as he sits down at the bottom of Isak’s bed. “He, and you, might benefit from this.” He pulls back at the purple air freshener dangled in his face. “It’s lavender, my favourite. And Jakob’s, I asked him.”

“Eskild,” he sighs. His thoughts are paused as his phone buzzes on his knee and he looks down to see Jakob’s name appear.

 

**_Jakob_ **

_I didn’t get chance to ask earlier but I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime this week._

 

He looks back up at Eskild, realising he had tuned out to his voice and interrupts his words, “Sorry, what-“ His phone buzzes again.

 

**_Jakob_ **

_Like a date_

 

Isak looks up, mouth agape with his eyes blinking at Eskild. He looks back down at the second reminder of the new message. He quickly looks back up at Eskild as he feels him lean closer towards him.

“I’ll leave you to reply to him on your own,” Eskild says, quietly leaving the bed, before he walks backwards and smoothly closes the door, giving him a slick smile as he leaves.

He picks up his phone, opening up the message thread.

 

~

 

“No, Sana. No.”

“Isak,” she sighs, giving him those persuasive eyes he doesn’t want to fuck about with.

“I’m not into Vilde’s weird love shit, can’t you ask someone else?” His eyes roll as he puts away his laptop into his bag.

“It’s not shit. It’s a perfectly good way to meet new people and establish yourself in the school.”

“Sana- stop, you sound like you just vomited a whole load of Vilde, fuck.”

“I did not.” She pulls her face as she hits him on his arm, lightly she reckons. Doesn’t stop the squeal of ‘ow’ coming from Isak’s mouth.

“Look, Sana,” he says, pulling the conversation serious. “I just have a lot of shit on at the moment, you know work to do and people to see. I’m not sure I’ll have time.”

“Who are you seeing?” Sana’s eyes squint as she tries to detect further information from him.

“No one!” Isak replies a little too defensively. “Just family, my mum, Jonas.” Sana’s look deepens further and forces Isak to carry on, “Eva.”

“Eva?” The look on her face scares Isak a little bit. She shakes her head as she finally gets up from her seat. “Wow, Isak, you’re such a bad liar.” She walks away too quickly for him to respond.

 

**_Even_ **

_Come meet me at the front gate_

He walks down to the ground floor, wondering how impossible it will be to pick out Even in the sea of everybody’s-finished crowd. It’s not so impossible. He recognises him straight away. His hair curled as perfectly as ever under his several layers of hoods-

“Hello, Isak.” His arms wrap around him suddenly, throwing away his thoughts as he gets engulfed in Even’s presence. “Shall we go get pizza?”

“Sure,” Isak says, a little taken aback by Even’s random gesture of food. Not so much surprised, it’s part of Even’s nature really.

They walk towards their tram stop, Isak wondering if Even’s already forgotten about his offer of pizza before he takes them off to the other side of the road. They enter a small little pizzeria. A cute little shop. Definitely a place he can see the quieter, artsy side of Even going.

“It’s my new find of the month. I really wanted to show you it,” Even beams up at Isak.

They head back to Isak’s place naturally after they finish eating their pizza. Well, they didn’t manage to finish it all. They brought back a box full of their pizza and garlic bread (yes, they got a large pizza each, _and_ a large garlic bread).

Eskild welcomes Even with open arms and many compliments – he’s not seen him for a while, Isak can maybe put up with it this time – whilst Isak puts away the pizza. He goes to his room, expecting Even to follow shortly after Eskild’s done pestering him. He can play a game or two of FIFA to pass the time. Surely, it won’t be that long.

 

~

 

An hour later, Even emerges in his room looking rather exhausted. He sits down next to Isak on his bed, legs pressed close and Isak can feel Even’s focus on him, like he wants his attention. He pauses the game and looks expectantly up at Even, about to ask him if everything’s okay, but the smile on his face as soon as they clock eyes says otherwise.

“Isak, there’s something I really want to tell you.” Isak looks up with a hopeful look. He looks young and innocent, naïve, possibly. “Me and Sonja spoke before. We’re gonna work it out.”

Isak throws his arms around Even and pulls him into a hug. “I’m so happy for you.” He lands his chin on his shoulder, wraps his arms around him and rubs his back. He closes his eyes, has to bite his lip for a second to stop his eyes watering.

“Yeah?”

He lets a shaky breath out, feels his chest tighten as his breath catches. Brushes his lips together, takes another quieter breath for extra courage. “Yeah.”

Even pats his back twice before pulling away. He pulls Isak’s head towards him, hands either side of his face as he pulls closer with his lips and leaves a tender kiss – left for a little too long, Isak thinks – on the middle of his forehead. As Even lets go, he notices his smile, the big, wide smile that reaches his eyes and he realises he’s made the right decision in saying he should get back with Sonja. Anything that makes Even smile like that is right. There’s nothing better.

 

~

 

As soon as Even leaves only a short while after – Even wants to get back to his _girlfriend_ and cook dinner - Isak pulls his phone out.

 

**_Isak_ **

_Yeah, that sounds brilliant. Are you free this Friday?_

_~_

They decide on a few drinks at a bar, let Isak ease himself into a date since he had never been on one before. They go to a bar close by to where they both live after finding out they live quite near to each other. It’s only a short walk away from his apartment, and Jakob was ever the gentlemen and picked him up from Isak’s, walking together and making small talk. It gets a little more fluent as they sit at the bar together, Isak glad to have got a beer down him.

They get on well, share good conversation of biology and science. Jakob is funny, as well, Isak hasn’t laughed this much in a long time, his face aching from smiling. He’s kind, generous, handsome. Very handsome. Isak feels he stares a little too long into his deep blue eyes and at those big pink lips. He seems pretty much perfect. Maybe dating isn’t as difficult as he thought.

 

**_Mama_ **

_Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God._

He sees the notification from his mother and the short preview of a bible passage and ignores it, continuing conversation.

His phone sounds his ringtone, Isak immediately locking the screen when he sees ‘Papa’, Jakob asking, “Aren’t you going to answer that?”

“No,” he says, gulping down another few swigs of his beer. His third since his mother’s text.

He ignores the next three calls, choosing to put his phone on silent but a text notification comes through before he gets chance to lock his phone.

 

**_Papa_ **

_Isak, can you ring me? Your mum isn’t well_

**_Isak_ **

_I’m busy._

“Is it important?”

“Family stuff, it’s fine.”

“You can go, Isak,” Jakob says so carefully, gently placing his hand on Isak’s arm in comfort. He looks down at the next notification. Heart stopping momentarily and his throat becoming tighter as he struggles to breathe.

 

**_Papa_ **

_Isak, things really aren’t okay. She’s gone into a treatment centre._

**_Papa_ **

_Ring me, I don’t want you to find out like this._

“I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll text you.”

 

**_Papa_ **

_Isak, please_

 

“It’s okay, family is important.”

He rushes out, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair and struggling to put it on as he rushes outside. The fresh air hits him and shocks his system, the cold forcing him to gasp for his breath as he slides down the wall at the side of the restaurant, clutching his coat around him and holding his hand tight in a fist. Tears fall down his face as he sobs, his breath shattering and stuttering, head falling back in complete despair.

He unfolds the hand his phone is grasped in, scrolling through his contacts until the letter ‘E’ shows up, pressing a few times on the contact as his messy tears affect the touchscreen.

“Isak?”

“Hello,” his voice shakes, his breath hiccups as he continues sobbing.

“Isak, is everything okay?”

“My mum- my mum- she,” he chokes, unable to get his words out through his sobs.

“Isak, it’s okay. Where are you? I’ll come get you.”

 

~

 

Isak returns home with him by his side to a quiet apartment. He walks to his room, throwing his coat lazily on the floor. He changes into a plain t-shirt and removes his pants, leaving him in just his boxers. He gets under his covers and curls into himself on his side, wrapping the duvet around him tightly. He sees a coffee mug be placed on the small table beside his bed, obviously having been made some comfort tea. He thought he’d have left by now. He has a girlfriend after all.

He hears soft movement behind him and presumes he’s getting ready to leave. What he doesn’t expect is to feel long, soft arms wrapping around his body, fluffy hair nestling into his neck, and a quiet peck on his shoulder blade.

Isak tenses, surprised to feel a body behind him, an arm latched over him. Why he’s here, with Isak, and not with his girlfriend.

“Relax, Isak. I’ve got you.”

~

 

Isak wakes up to a feeling of loneliness, an empty bed he lays in knowing it was not like that when he fell asleep. He went to sleep feeling warm, comforted, safe. And then it hits him, what happened last night, _what he found out_. It makes him feel lonelier. The empty bed _and_ the breakdown.

He remembers leaving Jakob, him being so impossibly sweet and understanding. Then he remembers ringing Even, and _him_ being so impossibly sweet and understanding. Even was the reason why he managed to sleep without choking on his tears.

But he left.

Of course, he has his own life. Sonja. He can’t be here mothering Isak every time his life falls apart.

He reaches for his phone, seeing a dozen text messages from his father, and he doesn’t have the mind yet to open them. He sees another couple of text notifications from Jakob this time, one timed shortly after he left the bar, another from earlier in the morning. He presses on it, this he can handle.

 

**_Jakob_ **

_Hey, I hope you got home alright. If you need anything let me know. I hope everything sorts itself out. x_

**_Jakob_ **

_Morning, I hope things have gotten better. Message me when you’re ready. I hope when things get better we can see each other again. You’re worth the wait Isak. x_

**_Isak_ **

_Thanks for understanding. My mum isn’t well and it shook me a little. I’m with a good friend right now so I’m okay._

**_Isak_ **

_I’d like that too. x_

 

He feels he owes Jakob a little explanation, but knows he’s too much of a gentleman to pry like that, but Isak does feel a little guilty for the way he so abruptly left when they were having such a good time. Maybe next time can be different.

He spots a little white sheet of paper on the opposite side of the bed, sees a little cartoon drawn on it. Isak and Even in the same position they fell asleep in last night, and another identical drawing ‘in a parallel universe’ with a bubble coming from Even saying “If only he knew.”

He smiles. Just a small one. Doesn’t think he’s capable of anything more in such a sober, sombre state. He doesn’t even properly think to try and understand what it means.

“That’s what I wanted.” Isak looks up, surprised to see Even still here. He thought the note was his goodbye. He pulls off a confused look, unsure what he means. “A smile. I made you tea.”

He mutters a ‘thanks’ before adding, “Did you draw this for me?”

“Sure, put it up on your wall or something.”

“I thought you’d left,” Isak says, pulling down the mood of the conversation. Even places a hand on his arm. “What time is it?”

“About two o’clock.” Shit. Had he really slept that long? “Eskild and Linn have gone out. Eskild’s over at that guy’s place, Sondre, or something? And Eskild says Linn has a new boyfriend.”

Isak raises his eyebrows. Then it dawns on him he’ll be on his own all night. He could call Jonas. _Shit_ , there’s that big second year party everyone’s going to, he’s not quite sure he could face people, and Jonas wouldn’t want to miss it. _Shit_.

“I can stay with you tonight, if you’d like?”

“But, what about- about Sonja?”

“We’re not together anymore.” Isak immediately sits up at this, confused, hurt for his friend.

“But, you said-“

“It’s complicated, but, things were never really going to work out. I’ll tell you some other time.”

“I’m sorry,” Isak says, saddened and feeling a little helpless, he doesn’t know what to say.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” His voice is so delicate and caring, as if Isak’s the one just broken up from a five or six year relationship. “I’m fine about it. Happy, in fact. This is good for me. I can do what I want.”

“And what do you want?” Isak looks up at him in a daze, gets lost in his atmosphere.

“To spend the day with my best friend.” Even pulls Isak in closer to him with an arm wrapped around his back. Isak smiles in return, lets his head fall along Even’s shoulder.

“You know what I want?”

Even tilts his head towards him, asking ‘what’ with his pout. Isak stares in the distance for a moment, wondering if this could be the worst thing for him or the best.

“What?” Even prompts him, being too intrigued into his best friend to not know what Isak wants for much longer.

“To get drunk.”

 

~

 

And get drunk they do. They went out shortly after to buy beer, and vodka for shots, and began their own pre-game - for their own pretend party - around seven o’clock. Isak has gotten drunk rather easy so he tries to cool off for a little while so they could smoke for a bit. They pass a joint around as they tell random tales and speak about parallel universes and the biology around DNA. Even talks about his latest film-in-progress and Isak rambles about- well, he’s not even sure what it's actually about.

They decide to put some music on, Isak begrudgingly letting Even play his spotify, and they end up dancing to Gabrielle and Astrid before Isak finds a way to put on ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ and show off his rapping skills. He soon manages to take over the DJ controls for long enough to be able to sing ‘I’m Yours’ (he still can’t get the words right, and Even thinks it’s rather cute).

Isak’s enjoying himself more than he has in a long time, in fact, he’d say he’s having the time of his life. That’s until they try to do the lift and Even’s a little too tipsy and unsteady and so Isak falls flat on his face. Even laughs uncontrollably. Isak soon forgives him, he’s adorable after all.

He feels them standing a little too close but doesn’t care to do anything about it. He watches Even as he falls back on the couch, still staring at him with those eyes of his. He continues to dance, throws his arms around and around to make Even laugh, which he does. It’s the best sight he’s ever seen, he thinks.

“Dance for me.”

He laughs back, well more like giggles in his drunken state. He tries to sway his hips in time with the music but feels out of control a little bit too much. He throws his fringe back off his face and looks down at Even with a smirk filled with lust. He downs the rest of his drink to allow his hands to be free, tries to place it on the coffee table at the side of the couch Even’s spread on. The alcohol makes him lose his balance and falls not so very elegantly into Even’s lap.

“Steady,” Even drawls. Isak giggles again in response and Even giggles along with him, placing his hands on his waist to steady him from swaying side to side. He bites his lip, feeling overwhelmed with all the tingly feelings going through his body. His body feels electric and he feels like the luckiest man in the world. He scoots forward on his lap and puts his hands on his chest to keep himself from falling off.

His body heats up from the touch and he becomes overwhelmed with everything in his mind going overtime. His hands press into the muscle in his chest, fingers drum and then press into his skin. He moves his hips slightly forward and back. Just a little, just to tease him. His hands travel down his body before brushing under his shirt, feeling for the first time the heat of his skin. He smooths them up his chest, brushing around one last time before settling on his waist.

He rocks his hips, much harder this time, presses into the growing hardness pushing against him. He hears Even groan a little, makes him push down harder.

“Isak,” Even says, voice strangled.

His hands move from underneath his shirt and to his neck. He holds his head in place, grazes a thumb over his cheek down to his jaw. His left hand strokes through his hair and then travel lower as he sifts the curls at the back of his neck through his fingers.

“What?” he says, biting his lip ever so slightly, just to tease Even more. He smirks a little as he looks into Even’s eyes under his lashes.

Even leans into him, noses making contact. He looks down to his lips, then glances back up again. He tilts his head to the side, allowing for Even’s breath to whisper along his neck. His eyes flush closed and he tilts his head back, allowing for more of his skin to be exposed. He twists his neck around and ghosts his lips along the skin of his neck. He lets their cheeks brush once or twice more before he looks back up into his eyes.

“Don’t stop.”

He doesn’t.

He rolls his hips again and giggles to himself. His forehead falls onto Even’s and he holds him close.

“Guess what,” he giggles. He brushes his tongue along his lips before biting his bottom one again.

Even lifts his head up, quietly asking the question.

“I’m in love.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment and give kudos and give me feedback and come over to my twitter - evenmohns


	4. I See the Sun in the Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He closes his eyes, hopes that might make the banging in his head ease off a little bit. So, he was with Even. He remembers that. They got drunk – he’s sure of that. There was music, Gabrielle, some other shit Even likes. And oh God, he rapped. And- fuck. Did he sing? He knows how red and embarrassed he gets when Even gushes over him singing. Fuck how could he let this happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo finally got this up. Thanks to danni ofc the angel queen who helps me write this. This is the penultimate chapter to this story, I really didn't plan for it to be dragged out this long, I wanted it finished by summer lmao. 
> 
> I actually haven't proof read this myself bc I'm just not in the mood right now and I just wanna get it out. It's took too long for me to write this. So if you see any mistakes or errors let me know and I'll change them.
> 
> Chapter title from Nicole - Amen Jena
> 
> Hope you enjoy!! Please give me comments and feedback as it rly helps me with writing and the direction and shit I go in.

Isak opens his eyes to a throb in his head. A continuous throb, that gets worse and worse and it doesn’t stop. 

So, he drunk a lot last night, it’s the only explanation. He can’t remember anything at all. He was with Even and then he- 

His clothes are off, he’s wearing nothing but his boxers. Did he sleep with someone?

Wait, he’s not even in his bed. He didn’t even  _get_  to bed, he’s on the sofa. 

He closes his eyes, hopes that might make the banging in his head ease off a little bit. So, he was with Even. He remembers that. They got drunk – he’s  _sure_  of that. There was music, Gabrielle, some other shit Even likes. And oh God, he rapped. And-  _fuck_. Did he sing? He knows how red and embarrassed he gets when Even gushes over him singing. Fuck how could he let this happen?

And everything past that is a blur. There was- he drank and, and- he danced and then-  _fuck_ , the next thing he knows is he’s grinding on Even his hands are all over him.

_He couldn’t have done anything worse._

He throws his head into a cushion. He wants to disappear. 

“Morning Sunshine,” Eskild says as he walks through his bedroom door. “Did you sleep well?”

Eskild’s too cheery for Isak’s current state. His only response is to grumble and throw his head under the cushion, hidden away for no one to see.

“So, er, what did you and- hmm,  _Even_  get up to last night?”

“Eskild, please,  _please_  can you stop talking?” Isak says, voice muffled under the cushion.

“Even left by the way. He was lying next to you but had to leave about an hour ago.”

Isak’s face drops as his body springs upright to look at Eskild. “You talked to him?”

“Yeah, we spoke.” Eskild begins to walk towards Isak carefully, Isak following his every move. “Umm, Isak. I know you like to be- uh- difficult, to say the least. You sit in your room all day and let it smell and don’t talk to anyone-“

“I talk to people,” Isak interrupts, quickly defending himself.

“Well, maybe it’s time you talked to Even,” Eskild says. He can see in Isak’s eyes that he’s about to go on the defensive again so buts in, “properly. About everything that’s going on with you. I don’t want my little baby gay sad and hungover like this, waking up alone.”

“Eskild, I’m not talking to Even about how much I-“

“Isak.  _Isak_.” Eskild places a comforting hand on Isak’s shoulder but Isak just squirms and shies away from it. “All I’m asking is you speak to him about what’s going on. Be honest. He might be honest with you.”

Eskild leaves after that, leaves a few questions and thoughts to mull over about Even and what he meant but his heads still throbbing too much to give anything much thought. He’ll work it out later. 

_Fuck_ , he needs his bed.

~

Isak wakes up four hours later from his hungover nap. He has an assignment he’s supposed to complete but his head is throbbing too much to be working out a load of shit to do with atomic numbers and logarithms, so he puts it off until another time. Maybe Sana can help him with it. 

Isak looks at his phone to see several notifications, many from the boys group chat, 1 from Jakob, and 1 from Even.

He goes with the person he wants to hear from the most but also with his nerves the least.

**_Even_ **

_Hi, I’m sorry for_ _last night._ _I guess I got a little too drunk. Let’s forget it ever happened, I hope it’s not ruined our friendship._

Isak’s heart sinks, his mind goes blank for a while, the throbbing gone.  _He regrets it_ , he thinks.  _Let’s forget it_ _ever happened_.

_He wishes it never happened._

He stares up at the ceiling, his mind feeling numb and empty. He can’t even close his eyes without visions of last night with Even staring blindly into his heart so he keeps them open. After a while of staring at the white paint and tracing the patterns printed into the ceiling he figures he needs to keep himself busy, so decides to mark the boys group chat as read, not bothering or caring to know what shit Magnus has got himself into with some girl and opens the message from Jakob.

**_Jakob_ **

_What are you doing tonight?_

Isak sighs, throwing his phone down, scrambling to grab it before it bounces back up and onto the hard floor. 

He lies there again, wishing it was Even who was actually interested, wondering if he could ever get the moment he was straddled on him, chests close, cheeks touching, breaths mingled, hands all over. If any of that was ever real or if it was just a blunder in a drunken, hazy mind. If any of this was ever worth it. Is love really worth all of this heartache? Is this it for him, is this the best it’s going to get? 

Isak’s not sure if going out with Jakob will make things better or worse. He knows he might not feel as good as last night but maybe Jakob could help him take his mind off  _him_. He knows it has done before, and maybe this could go into something good. Okay, so maybe it won’t be as good as anything could be with  _him_ but not everyone ends up with their true loves. His parents didn’t. Eva’s parents didn’t. Jonas’ parents didn’t. Maybe he’ll be just like everyone else. No over-dramatic romantic story Ev-  _he_  makes Isak watch will ever become his life.

Fuck it.

He’ll go. What could possibly go wrong?

**_Isak_ **

_I’m not up to anything. You up for hanging out?_ _x_

**_Jakob_ **

_That sounds good. Shall we meet at 18? Where do you_ _wanna_ _go? X_

~

Isak and Jakob walk along thr river, the night sky making the lights glow and the river glisten. It looks quite beautiful, he thinks. A perfect setting to the date. 

“Do you wanna sit here for a bit?” 

Isak sits down beside him, feeling brave and pressing his legs close to Jakob. He looks up at him, admires how he looks so peaceful as he takes in the surroundings with the lights and the water and the stars in the night sky. The street lamp behind him creates a shadow around his profile, his jawline looking sharp and strong, his nose looking round and squishable, and his lashes create a gentle shadow as they flutter open and closed. 

Jakob must feel Isak staring as he laughs a little whilst he turns around to face him, catching his look of wonderment of his beauty. Isak blushes and quickly turns his head down and away from him, hiding from that dark gaze.

“You’re cute when you blush.” 

Isak smiles slightly, feeling his face heat up more the longer Jakob looks at him. “Well, I can’t help it when you look at me like that.” Isak swallows through his words, feeling himself shaky and nervous.

“Like what?” Jakob asks, smirking whilst he nudges his arm into Isak.

“Like that.” Isak swallows before expanding, “when you look at me like that with your smile and- and your eyes.

“What about my eyes?” Jakob leans closer towards him, teasing him slightly as he prods Isak to say more.

“They’re just- dark, and-“ Isak sighs, struggling to speak with the closeness Jakob has become. The affect he’s having on him, the way he’s making him weak, the trance he’s putting him under makes Isak feel a little something special. Different.

Jakob leans closer, looking at his lips. The way he’s so blatantly obvious about it forces Isak to do the same. He licks his lips, feeling them getting dry from the cold and the way his mouth gawps open at Jakob, and this only draws Jakob in further.

But Isak’s eyes move slightly to the side, Jakob not noticing as his focus never leaves his lips. A tall figure distracts Isak and he becomes slightly wary of someone watching them in such an intimate moment. Their first kiss. 

As the figure stops his eyes begin to focus in on it, the blur disappearing and the unrecognisable hair and deep, dark look, and such smooth style becoming clearer and clearer before him. 

“Even.”

“Err, no- I’m Jakob.” Isak’s eyes pull back to Jakob’s, further away than he expected as he’s pulled back a little, breaths no longer mingling.

“No-“ Isak stutters and shakes his head, pulling away from Jakob completely. “Even.” He nods his head into the direction he’s standing.

“Am I interrupting?” 

Jakob rolls his eyes and turns his body so he’s no longer facing Isak.

“This is Jakob, Jakob – Even.” They move to shake hands.

“Eskild told me a bit about you actually, said you were Isak’s best friend?”

“Yeah,” Even confirms. “So er-“

“Didn’t he tell you about this?” Jakob looks between them both.

“Er, no. He- er-“

“No, I didn’t mention anything,” he mutters quietly, hoping only Jakob can hear. “Well, since Eskild set me up I-“

“I get it.” Jakob caresses his arm furthest away from Even. “He looks like he needs you. We can continue this another night.” Jakob smiles a soft smile at him, making Isak want to melt with how sweet he’s being right now.

“But-“ 

“We’ve had a lovely night,” Jakob reassures him. “I’d love to see you again.” Isak looks down, feeling embarrassed and guilty perhaps. Not knowing exactly what the fuck Even was doing when, at the moment he interrupted, it was pretty fucking clear the situation Isak was in and now who knows what’s going to happen with Jakob. “Go help your friend. It might make me like you more.”

Isak looks down, reluctantly nodding. He smiles a little to himself as Jakob takes his hand, holding it for a second whilst brushing his thumb delicately over his knuckles. 

“Oh- and, you have nice eyes too.” 

_~_

Isak opens the door to his flat, checks if Eskild or Linn are home before he lets Even in. The silent reply tells him to take off his shoes and set aside for Even to go past. The breeze his apparent frustration creates blows against Isak and he gets a little more confused by Even’s behaviour, stepping carefully behind him, following him into his room.

“Even, what the fuck is going on?”

“I broke up with Sonja because of you!” Even shouts, flailing his arms, turning around to face Isak now stood at the door before falling down on the bed, head in his hands.

Isak’s throat closes up, the sound of his voice stuck and he just gawps at Even. He needs to let a big gasp of air out before he finally speaks.

“Wh- what?”

“That’s the guy you’re in love with?”

“In love- what? It was just a date.” Isak’s voice begins to break slightly, tears filling his eyes. His mind is going crazy and he doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t understand what’s going on.

“You told me you loved him. I thought you was just talking rubbish because you were drunk but it’s true, right?” Even asks.

“Even, I don’t fucking understand.” Isak feels tears rush off his face, the figure in front of him becoming blurry.

“When I was here last, the night we got drunk together. And we were- you know-“ Even pauses for a moment, his breath shaking and loud. “I was going to tell you how I felt about you. You were- you were doing  _that_  and I didn’t want you to stop. I even told you not to. And then, and then you,” he sighs, body looking defeated. “ _Then you said you were in love_.”

Isak falls back against the wall, body becoming weak. He doesn’t remember this. Sure, he remembers him and Even getting close. But did they kiss, and he didn’t know? He didn’t remember? How can he have forgotten his first kiss with Even. And he doesn’t even remember telling him he was in love with Jakob. Why would he have told him about Jakob?

_How I felt about you._

Wait, what?

“Say something, Isak!” Even says, voice pathetically raised and edgy. Isak stares into the air, he can hear Even’s voice but struggles to tune into what he’s saying.

“I don’t get it, you’re with Sonja, right? You got back with her?”

“No, Isak!” Even shouts. “I split up with her.”

“Wha- why?”

“For you, you idiot. Because I thought something could happen, and hoped that I wasn’t too late, that I hadn’t lost you to someone else. Except it seems like I never had you in the first place.”

Isak blinks as tears fall down his face. The trace of wetness pouring into his mouth creating a salty taste. He blinks again and the next thing he knows is the space before him is empty of any Even.

He’s brought back to life again by the slamming of his door, muffled shuffling sounds from the hall. A slam. Quiet. He zones out, noises filling his head and whirling around and around until the space before him becomes full again. Eskild.

“Is everything okay?”

Isak’s face scrunches together and he feels a fire light up inside of him. “Does everything look okay to you? No. So go back to your perfect life with your boyfriend and I’ll just lie here-“ he begins to choke, that fire sizzling out. “When- when the person I love just walked out on me.”

~

Isak groans as he rolls over, slamming his face into the pillow. He’s not sure what time it is, knows it’s probably very late. Or very early. He just knows he’s not slept a wink. His eyes close, but instead of his brain shutting off, it replays the earlier talk with Even over and over. And over.

He soon goes into a state of over exhaustion, mind going blurry, focus stilted, and the voice in his head going eerily quiet. He gets up, creeped out by the sudden quietness and decides he could maybe make use of the silent night and read one of his books for biology.

It doesn’t work. He barely gets past the first two sentences of the chapter, instead trying to take in the pictures and diagrams and only staring at them with the same, blank, cast over mind like he’s spent all night looking at his ceiling. 

He sees the number on his alarm clock switch from seven to eight and he figures this is a reasonable time if he’s to be seen, so he goes out into the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Isak grunts as he turns his head around to the noise incoming to the kitchen, “no.”

“Isak, you need to talk to him.”

“Eskild, no. You’ve done more than enough.”

Eskild gasps and Isak can only roll his eyes. “Your guru only ever supports you, Isak.”

“Piss off with that guru shit. You told him about Jakob and now he thinks he wasted his time.  _So_ _,_ _thanks very much, guru_ , you’ve ruined my best chance with a guy I’ve had.” Isak storms out, splashing the water over the glass as he rushes out. He tries to ignore Eskild’s calls behind him, tries to slam the door as quickly as he can behind him but isn’t quick enough, Eskild cleverly stopping the door closing with his foot. Isak sighs, ignoring the presence of Eskild and getting into bed, hoisting the covers over his head to hide away. 

He feels the bed dip beside his feet and he can only wait to hear what Eskild has to say for himself.

“I don’t want to speak for Even.”  _Then don’t_. “He was going to tell you before- how he felt. He ended things with Sonja because he had feelings for you. He wasn’t lying.”

It goes quiet for a moment. He expects Eskild to continue, expects there’s more to it. His mind is still going into overdrive. He doesn’t understand. He just doesn’t-

“He overheard us talking about Jakob at KB.”  _Oh_. “So, no. I didn’t tell him. But he did come to me after and tell me. He told me that he said to you he was going to try again with Sonja, but he was never going to, it was just because he found out you had someone else. He thought he lost you. And didn’t have a chance.”

Isak feels like he stops breathing for a second. A very long second. His whole world goes still. He feels his eyes blur over and he blinks his tears away. They fall sideways from the corner of his eye and land on his hands neatly tucked under his ear. He feels too stuck to be able to wipe his tears even. He feels too stuck to breathe.

“He had no idea you felt anything for him, Isak. But I’d told him he needed to talk to you, like I told you to talk to him. I just wanted you to figure it out yourselves but you decided to tell him you loved Jakob before he got the chance.”

“I didn’t say I love Jakob.” 

Isak sits up ever so slightly, pulling the duvet away from his face and finally wiping away the wetness on his face.

“Well then what did you say?”

Isak sighs. “Ugh, I don’t know. I can’t remember, I was too drunk.”

“Isak,” Eskild drags out, his words filled with pity and the hand on his leg acting as comfort.

“I know I couldn’t have said that. I don’t love Jakob.” 

“I know that, Even doesn’t.”

“Well, Jakob has actually been a good distraction throughout all of this. He’s been so kind and sweet and- and the date we had was good. But,” he sighs. 

“But he’s not Even.”

Isak looks up at Eskild, his eyes dark and droopy. He lies back down again on his side, facing Eskild this time. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a breath.

“No, he’s not.”

~

Friday night comes around rather slowly, each day becoming longer before Isak can lay in bed all day and do nothing. Or drinks shit loads of alcohol to the point where he’s blind drunk and doesn’t remember what he had for lunch and everything that’s happened the past week. He’s not there yet, but the weed makes him feel better about that.

He walks through the house, trying to find a place to sit on the couch so he can be boring and miserable and spend the rest of his night on his phone. He sees notification from Jakob, a voicemail. He opens it up and presses play.

The words are slightly mumbled at first, sounding like Jakob’s at a party filled with a load of drunken, noisy teenagers. 

“If you don’t want anything then say… I  _mean_ , I like you,” he draws out, words slurred and consonants tripped over. “ _But_ , if  _you’re_  with that guy, then tell me. I get it. I’m  _fine_. Just- tell me.” There’s a pause for a while. Isak wonders if that’s it, if he’s got distracted and forgotten about the call. “Don’t mess me around. You have me, or you don’t.” His words screech and slow down to a mumble. 

Jakob says goodbye, telling him again he likes him. It makes Isak think. Makes him more confused, for sure.

His phone shows a new notification.

**_Even_ **

_I’m sorry for going off at you. I should’ve talked to you properly, listened to what you had to say. If you’re not too upset you can come_ _round_ _to mine and we can talk about it properly. We need to figure this shit out. I miss my best friend. Even x_

Isak wonders if Even has given up on him. And if he’s not too late then Jakob will definitely give up on him. He goes to drink from the can of beer in his hand but can only get a small drop out of it. And he has no more left. Just what he needs when he wants to forget everything that’s happened.

Jonas hands him another beer as he hits beside him on the couch. He’s spent pretty much all night here, sat with Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus, occasionally getting up to have small talk with one of his class mates. Eva did come over and sit with him for a while, and so did Sana, but that was cut short by the appearance of her new crush, Yousef. 

 “You know you can tell me anything, man?”

Isak sinks into the sofa next to Jonas, sighing into himself.

“It’s just,” he sighs again, struggling to get his words out. “It’s-“

“Even.” He looks up to him slowly, waits a moment as his mind goes quiet and silently nods. “Sometimes bro, no matter how much you love someone, sometimes, it’s not enough. Sometimes you need to be brave, do things you wouldn’t normally do. Go for the guys you wouldn’t expect or open up in a way I know you never can.”

“You’re right,” he says as he stands up. Isak downs his beer and throws on his coat. He rushes out, trying as fast as he can to get past the dozens of bodies all close and thrusting up against each other. He feels Jonas follow him but he’s too fast.  

“Where are you going?” he hears Jonas shout as he’s at the end of the pathway.

“I’ve got someone I need to see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Kudos and comments are muchly appreciated!  
> Hit me up on twitter @evenmohns


	5. I Wish Everybody Could Feel This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kisses him. On the lips. Again and again. Doesn't stop. Doesn't want it to stop. He's never been in control like this before, has never initiated a kiss like this before. Isak was in control and now he's weak, so fucking weak for him. The touch of his hands on his hips and back and waist and jaw and - there - makes him weak. The further down his body those lips trail the more Isak melts into the wall, back arched and head tilted back. He always knew he felt some way about the man but he had no idea just how much. This confirmed it all. The urgency, the want, the need - it was more than anything he'd felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO IT'S FINISHED!!!
> 
> I had the first half of this written since like the beginning so this was easy to get up. This is only like an ending, like an epilogue? kinda thing. 
> 
> Hope you like it!! I hope this story has been good for you and has helped with any Isak and Even feels whilst this never ending skam drought goes on!
> 
> Again thank you to danni, my legit angel through all this. And thank you to all the readers, the ones that have given me kudos and the ones that have commented and the ones that havent. It all means so much. 
> 
> This is my first fic in this fandom and I've loved it! Hopefully a new one shot is gonna be up soon!!

Isak stands at the balcony overlooking the city, arms folded on the wall in front of him. His chest is still bare, hips covered in tight, white shorts that aren’t his own. He feels hands snake around his body, clasping at the front after they lightly brush over his abs. He feels a nose pressed against his jaw and brush along his cheek, can feel the tickle of the curls as he moves. He gets a peck from him, then another on his jaw, then another on his neck, then his collarbone- God, he knows him so well. It's the first time they've fucked and he knows just how much his collarbone loves the touch. He feels him linger a little while before his face is turned slightly and his lips are taken between the ones he adores so much.

 

His eyes open slowly, eyelashes slightly stuck together with the heat between them.

 

"Halla."

 

"Halla," he replies, shortly before going in for another kiss. He turns around in his arms, leans against the wall and let the man's hands caress his waist and hips before letting them tangle in his hair, treading the tips of hair behind his ears through his fingers, what he knows works so well with the man on those dark days.

 

"Thank you for last night."

 

"You're thanking me for last night," Isak says with a slight smirk and dipped head. "I should be thanking you with the stuff you did."

 

He bursts into a smile, that smile he does that's so wide and what makes his eyes disappear. "I hope I get to do it again." His eyebrows raise and he receives the look that kills him time and time again. 

 

"Keep looking at me like that and you can do it right now."

 

He laughs back before sighing gently, "We need to talk."

 

Isak's face falls. "I dont want to talk," Isak whines.

 

"Well come back to bed then, I don't like it without you. I thought you'd left."

 

"Not nice is it," Isak pouts, before he's dragged back by hand to the bed in which he spent the night in and much more. The feeling of the sheets fisted in his hands come back to him as his back hits them. He curls back into the side of him, continuing from where they left off last night, holding each other and giving each other soft strokes on skin or through hair and sharing short pecks until one or the other fell asleep. The end of the night of his life.

 

 

 

_He kisses him. On the lips. Again and again. Doesn't stop. Doesn't want it to stop. He's never been in control like this before, has never initiated a kiss like this before. Isak was in control and now he's weak, so fucking weak for him. The touch of his hands on his hips and back and waist and jaw and - there - makes him weak. The further down his body those lips trail the more Isak melts into the wall, back arched and head tilted back. He always knew he felt some way about the man but he had no idea just how much. This confirmed it all. The urgency, the want, the need - it was more than anything he'd felt before._

_The moment Isak's back hits the bed, lips still attached, his feelings for the man completely take over. But just for a second, he has to pull away and take a moment to look at him. Check he’s real and that he’s not dreaming. He looks at him, looks at his eyes as they open up. His freckles, those lips._

_He sees those doubting eyes, the raised brows, and pouted lips. Hears the "You want this, don't you?" that blows his mind. He couldn't believe it, how could he think he wouldn't want this? His words, the whisper and the insecurity bring a soft smile to his face. His face blushes at the thought going through his mind, pressing to come out._

_"I love you, Even," Isak breathes before he brushes his fingers along his cheeks. He looks up at him with the most amount of wonder and sees the softest smile back. He nods at him, making sure he represses his fear of being unwanted. "I want this."_

_He plunges his lips back into Even's, feeling them wrap around his in return. He fists his hand into his hair and rolls him over to his back, straddling his hips. He thrusts his hips forwards into Even's and can feel his hardness pressing into him. He begins to unbutton his shirt and throws it open, allowing hands to be spread over his body. He presses his lips down Even's neck and chest before he's stopped and pulled back up, hovering over Even's face again._

_"I love you, too."_

~

 

Isak wakes up slowly, eyes still closed whilst he wriggles around, reaching for the comfort and warmth he so easily got to sleep with. The bed is a lot emptier than he expects, hand stroking over the warm dip in the bed.

 

“Even,” he mumbles sleepily, vowels lengthened out with his laziness. “Where did you go?”

 

His eyes are mostly closed, his eyelashes stuck together, and lids struggling to stay alive with the bright light seeping through the curtains. He barely sees a figure approach him before he feels a hand brush through his hair.

 

“You’re so cute when you’re sleepy,” Even says, brushing long fingers over his face and jaw. “I brought you brunch.”

 

Isak sits up a little so Even can put down the tray on his lap before he disappears again, returning with an identical tray he puts on his lap as he snuggles in bed under the covers close to Isak.

 

“It’s pancakes with sides of berries, syrup, and chocolate, then orange and mango juice – your favourite – and a tea, _made properly_.”

 

Isak rolls his eyes and pulls a dopey face at him. “What’s this for?”

 

“I wanted to make something nice for you, is that okay?” Even pouts.

 

Isak rolls his eyes again, “You want to talk. Fuck, Even, you don’t need to blackmail me with food.”

 

“Well, I tried sex, and that didn’t work.” Isak laughs. “I’m joking. I wanted to treat you, and say sorry for- well, everything.” Even places his hand on his hair, admiring the way he eats the food in front of him so eagerly.

 

“Even,” Isak says, mouth full of pancake and berries, him speaking forcing purple juice to run down his chin. He tips his head up, hoping to stop the drop falling further before he feels a hot breath hovering over his chin. Even’s lips are placed just under his mouth before his tongue scoops out, catching the berry drop. He moves his lips upwards, catching his lips instead, Isak tilting his head down as a moan forces itself out from the back of his throat.

 

Even’s hand traces over his jaw down to his neck and it makes Isak fist his hand harder in Even’s hair. He deeply inhales Even’s taste and his breath catches in upset at the loss as Even pulls away slightly, eyes looking deep into his. Even laughs a little at his reaction, Isak himself getting lost in his eyes before he clears his throat to ruin the moment and turns back to his food.

 

“You don’t need to say sorry, both of us messed up.”

 

“But, this could’ve happened so much quicker if I’d not have lied about Sonja and just told you why I broke up with her.”

 

“Okay, but I shouldn’t have told you to get back with her when that’s not what I truly felt. I just wanted what’s the best for you.”

 

Even puts his hand on Isak’s and gives him a gentle smile.

 

“You’re the best thing for me.”

 

Isak smiles shyly, hiding away from Even and going back to the food in front of him.

 

“Well, I’m glad things worked out. I like having a boyfriend,” Isak says, a small smirk shining on his face before he eats another berry.

 

Even pulls back and Isak turns to him, seeing his eyebrows raised and his mouth agape.

 

“Am I your boyfriend?” he smiles, taking his hand and twirling it in his. Even looks at Isak with wonderment as Isak rolls his eyes. “Since when have I been your boyfriend?”

 

Isak closes his eyes and sighs. “I- er, I mean, if you want.” Isak looks up to Even, melts under his gaze. Isak looks up at him with so much innocence. “I’d like you to be. Do you?” he asks, shyly.

 

Even takes both trays off their laps and places them on the floor beside his bed. He takes both of Isak’s hands in his and Isak swims in the eyes staring at him. He feels so much weight under Even’s gaze but doesn’t dare to look away. Doesn’t want to lose any moment more with Even.

 

Even edges closer towards him, taking his lips in his own again, hand back on his neck, thumb stroking his jaw. Isak’s entranced by Even, head sinking deep and body feeling unable to move.

 

“I’d love to,” Even smiles.

 

Isak kisses him again, missing the feel of his mouth and tongue and teeth on his own too much to last much longer. His body becomes free as his hand returns to its favourite place, the soft curls of Even’s hair.

 

He’s never felt like this before. He always thought he couldn’t feel more for the man in front of him than what he did, and now he’s actually _with_ him, he’s not sure how he could’ve ever felt less. The all-consuming love which makes you feel you can do anything and everything and makes you never want to die. That makes you want to tell everybody and everyone and not care who hears. That makes you want to keep on existing just to hear them smile and see them laugh. That makes you feel senses you never knew existed and be as happier than you could’ve imagined possible.

 

“I love you.”

 

 _Fuck_. He loves being able to say that.

 

“I love you more.”

 

 _Fuck_. He thinks he might love hearing it more.

 

Isak begins to open his mouth but Even stops him with a finger pressed to his lips.

 

“And before you say anything more, it’s not possible.”

Yes, all the pain, the hurt, the confusion, and loneliness was worth it. Everything’s worth it for this. For Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos welcome!! Also hit me up on twitter evenmohns!!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. i hope some of you are looking forward to this at least! i have some of chapter 2 written so hopefully it won't be too long til the next chapters up, but i'm struggling about with my mental heath lately so it may be about a week. comments are welcome! they really help me!!
> 
> follow me on twitter if you want - evenmohns


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